Every day is a NEW day!

Cccchanges!

My thoughts are a bit scrambled. Let me just spill it all out.

First,  God provided me an exciting new opportunity.  Looks like I will be the new Administrative Assistant to the Principal and Vice Principal of a charter school here in the Valley.  I will admit that the idea initially was terrifying to start another job again so soon.  However, I could feel the spirit in the interview. I  was definitely purposed for this opportunity,  Whoa!!

Secondly, I have been following a wonder Bible study program. It has really opened my eyes to so much, not always a pleasurable experience.  It is still a beneficial one that is for certain.

Thirdly,  I really LOVE my husband!  I mean sure he and I get on one another's nerves from time to time... mainly I get on his, and I get insecure and project my thoughts onto his.... however, I recently had the pleasure of looking at things from more than one perspective.  There are so many things that are hard about marriage. It is NEVER a dull moment, especially with children. However, it takes so much effort not to lose sight of why you had Fallen in Love initially.  There will always be times when you look at someone else's relationship and thing hah! They really have it down!  Love, affection, being considerate, then you realize that the people who you are watching.. behind closed doors, they resent one another. Belittle and speak down to each other.  They forgot the initial Love they had and they refuse to rekindle it.   Sadly, some do not know that it can indeed be rekindled.  I have known a few marriages that have fallen a part.  They both moved on and eventually, they refound the love the long lost right back where it began.  I fall in love at least once a week with my husband. Whether it is just him being him... I try to find things I LOVE about him, and I linger on those thoughts, and then I linger on our memories.

Fourthly,  my darling grand father is terminally ill.  William "Bill" Stout ....He has been for some time. Partially, old age, and also bladder cancer.  He has been such an amazing man to know.  Stubborn... well that's an understatement.  He had a ton of bark and though not much bite.  He loves his wife and family so dearly. If all i can take from the memories of him and my grandmother, they would wake up at the crack of dawn every morning... spend that one on one time. No TV, no children most days... I remember the few times I stayed over and I would wake up and find them chatting in the early hours of the day. It may not have been the ideal date night, or coffee date at starbucks, but it seemed so intimate in a non-sexual sense.  Beautiful....

Fifth... I just signed up for Weightwatchers.  Hopefully, I can lost 10 lbs and get my first 2 months back, but I really need a PLAN. A structured one, and I tried to create myself a plan, but I just keep self sabatoging, and Self medicating with FOOD. This plan gives me a coach, someone I can have support me.  My husband is incredibly supportive do not get me wrong.  However, when a spouse tells you not to eat something because you asked them to hold you accountable... you cannot help but want to punch them.. and shove 5 donuts down your throat.  Sigh... I know... issues.... big ones.

If you are interested in joining me in the weightwatchers journey click here-->  Danielle referred me!

Shrink

The world is spinning.
I am walking.
Nearly crawling....onto my next destination.
The weight is crippling.
The cold steel against my back of the anchor I cannot seem to release.
Sweat beading at my brow.
Every breathe a burden to slowly inhale, then to exhale.
It burns my throat... my lungs feel as though they are failing.

Out there... they just walk by.
They pay no mind to the crippled woman inside.
The scars....they aren't visible to all.
Only the ones who know...
The very ones that the same darkness follows.

Blinking back tears... I know it is pointless to cry.
Tears are supposed to have meaning. There is supposed to be a
cause and an effect.

No point in releasing any of these silent screams. No one ever really hears me.

Life happens and so does death

Our family has gone through some rough changes the last 2 years. We have held onto one another and have prayed. I want to say that we have come out of all of this just so joyful and stronger. We are certainly stronger in our family and our faith.

Personally, I am not ok. I am trying to lean on God. Let him handle all the pain in my heart.  I've looking for comfort. Looking to food, I won't lie about this struggle. I have caved to the desire of my heart FOOD.