Ready set GO!

I managed to work out two days in a row... OUCH!  Yes, this is my place where I WHINE!  LOL!

Honestly, it was easier than yesterday.  Which I was suprised since I hurt so bad after yesterday.  I am glad I committed and followed through.  How many days does it take to make this a habit?  11?

This is a journey, a major one... one that will impact all of our lives in this household. It is interesting though, my kids are already noticing a change in me.  Not physically but emotionally and motivationally.  Amira has tried to work out with me both days, and Brenya is interested in running a 5k with me.  I told her our goal is to be able to do one by Novemeber.  (Hopefully sooner)  I just want to not hurt when I move.  It is disheartening to move off the couch, or bed and be so out of breathe.  Terrifying really... I am only 31!  I can be better than this. I WILL BE!

On another note, I have to wean myself off coffee!  EEP! Anyone who knows me... knows this is well it is going to be a rough week haha!  I love my coffee.....Oh well! It is only temporary!  Hopefully it doesn't bring on too many migraines.

Until next time.... Never Give Up!  (trust me, I have fallen countless times, thank God for being so grace filled)

Danielle

www.beachbodycoach.com/DJRENEW

It hurts...it is worth it!

Yesterday we helped my mother in law move in.... it HURT!  I mean whoa!  In my mind I was capable of so much!  I used to be capable of so much.  This is not to beat myself up, but to rant about my great accomplishment! I did it today. I got up, had coffee, enjoyed my morning. Then I committed to my first work out.  I did PiYo to try it out, and I definitely needed to do some modifying.  I literally felt like my head was going to pop off! Day 1 Done!

www.beachbodycoach.com/DJRENEW

Time to hit the reset button

Thank you to all of you who have been viewing my videos...

Welcome to the new chapter of my life.  I've had many "failures" in my healthy quest, but what is a challenge if sometimes you do not suceed?  Each time I fail, I remind myself it takes more strength and courage to get up and try again.  Fear can truly disable some.... however, Faith can conquer all!  God is able, and in him anything is possible.

Let me know if you are interested in trying the ultimate reset with me. I am excited to see what I am capable of!  Are you willing to challenge yourself with me?

Take a journey with me..

It just isn't that easy

5 days.. I did great for about 5 days.  I gave up sugar, and carbs!  Then.... I had a bad day.... KFC and convienence.  Then the next day I emotionally ate.  Then, my darling and supportive husband brought home COOKIES.  I love cookies. He said he "hid" them.  I have no self control... I do, but I am still learning and building it.

Self control self-control is the ability to resist temptation in the moment. - See more at: http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/8-tips-to-improve-your-self-control#sthash.E2JRO0ok.dpuf

Instead of beating up myself for not being "good enough"  and for not having "self control" .  I am going to identify the things that I need to work on in order to be successful.  So far I have been able to identify 3 things.  This list may be modified as I learn more on my journey.

1. Self Control
2. Confidence
3. Time managment


This is not as daunting as I thought it would be.  Time to do some research and come up with a "plan".

Fear

Fear is such a disabling thing.  Fear controls your mind.  It tells you that you are not strong enough, and maybe I am not.  I don't feel strong, I feel weak.  This is the part that gets hard when you want to be in control and you just can't anymore.  Giving that to God is the hardest part.  It should be easy, it should be second nature.  Anything good for us is a struggle.

I am afraid of failure, you would think my fear of bad health and dying would be stronger.
I am afraid people will see the hurt in my heart that I use food to abuse myself.
I am afraid my addiction to sugar and food is going to consume me as I have consumed it.
I am fearful I will not be healthy enough to live to 80.  I am fearful my children with follow in my yo yo dieting unhealthy lifestyle. I am afraid they won't love themselves as much as I love them.

Frankly, I do not know how to love myself.I have been my own worst enemy longer than I have been a christian, or been capable of seeing God's love for me.  How do I break this process?  This chain of abuse!

I forgive myself.  I need to acknowledge what I have done.  I have eaten myself into 205 lbs of fear, self loathing, and regret.  I have allowed others to hurt my heart and I have not allowed myself to truly know God's love for me is REAL. He is hurting with me and I am not alone.

Danielle you are beautiful, you do not see it right now, because with the weight you see failure, fear, and anger.  You feel you deserve to be "fat", "ugly", and "miserable".  You eat to fill the hurt in your heart, but if you just see a glimpse of what God sees you will see you are loved. Every hair, every smile, every beautiful thought. You are loved by God, by your husband, by your children. You are worth the fight against yourself. So stop the self loathing and start FIGHTING.  Fight to be fit, because you love yourself not because of what other people think.  Be healthy for you.

When you ran you loved the feeling of accomplishment. You felt so PROUD, and you loved the way you felt. Not how you looked. It hurts to move now, is that how you want to feel the rest of your life?

I want to RUN, I want to Hike, I want to see the world.  Being HEALTHY gives you strength to RUN and see the world.  This has nothing to do with being Vain and Beautiful.  You are already beautiful... but now it is time to be HEALTHY so your children and one day your grand children can see you love yourself.

Revelation

Just watched some amazing videos from Isabel Foxen Duke (Helping women stop feeling crazy around food), I felt as though my innermost dark thoughts just broadcasted to the world.  Which was both horrific, and relieving.  Horrific because my initial thoughts were "OMG PEOPLE KNOW I AM A BINGE EATER", then relieving because I realized I am not alone! My relationship with food is such a negative one, which I never realized that it was correlating with my relationship with my body.  I have been "successful" before, at the before and after photo. See pictures of many before and afters and sizes over the years. The thing is I am the same woman in all of these photos, yet I look so different. There is one common denominator.  In every one of these photos regardless of the size, and number on the scale. I felt and believed I was fat.  I did not like the image until I got to the next heavy weight, then I would look back an reminice about the way I was, even though I knew that even when I was that weight I felt like I feel now. Ugly, Fat, and unlovable!  Obviously, I am WRONG. I am very much loved, and I am beautiful regardless of the different sizes I have featured.  I have a lovely smile, and my eyes hold joy of the love I have for my family.  The person who is unlovable is the person I cannot stand. I don't like my body, and I can be any size and I still never like my body. I have dieted sucessfully and also not so successfully. I binge eat and I punish myself with eating. I punish myself with withholding food, I obsess over the calories and the food.  My problem isnt food, or even binge eating. It is the way I feel about ME.  I am tired of weight obsessing, I am tired of being the before and after photo.  I need to love me NOW.  Not just my weight, but ME. My face, my eyes, my curves, and my mind.  Once I fix my mindset, I can look more about my heart and health.  I keep wanting to teach my children how to be health concious, but the most important type of health is mental health.  If we are not mentally strong and stable we cannot begin to look at ourselves in a positive light.  I need to learn to be confident, and then teach my chidren how to be confident and show them what that looks like.