This week has been a very self reflective kind of week. Beyond the daily excitement and chaos of the preparations of the upcoming school year, I started listening to an amazing book. It was a recommendation by my friend/coach Krystle. It is called, "It was me all Along" by Andie Mitchell.
Get a copy here
The book is about a woman and her struggles with her lifelong battle with obesity and eating disorder. She grew up with an alcoholic father, and a hard working mother. Most of her childhood was comforted by the food she consumed, which in turn consumed her. Reading her thoughts about food and the NEED for comfort through the food she ate was absolutely enlightening. What was even more incredible was how she turned her obsessive need for unhealthy snack into a healthy obession with trying new ways to eat.
This book took me back to my childhood.... which was hard. My mother taught me early on that food could fill my stomach and my heart. I found great comfort in eating a whole block of cheddar cheese on my own.... I specifically recall my mother being upset I ate it all. In my family they were less kind to a growing roundness of a girl. My grandmother was always very forward bless her heart, and quick to tell me to "suck in my gut". The minute I began to get "chubby" they would mention it in the household and I would instantly be insecure about my looks. I began hiding my eating as early as 7-8 years old. I would sneak into the pantry and eat a whole bag of chips to myself while no one was around. I would scarf any nutterbutter or any little debbie cake I could find inhaling it before anyone could witness it.
I began trying to "diet" as young as 12. When all the girls had no "pooch" in their little gut, I was super self-concious about mine. I became a "vegetarian" at 12 and didn't eat meat for 6 months. Not because I felt sad for animals or anything like that. I would sneak my moms diet pills....I was boy crazy on top of it all. I moved from food to boys. I started smoking to "look cool" and it helped me not want to eat as much. Yes, I was only 13.
This book has really inspired to reflect on my eating patterns, my life patterns, and why I was the way I was and how that resulted into me today. 203 lbs of messed up mental images. I want my girls to grow up so differently.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
Join me in a DietBet....
Ok guys... here are the rules:
$15.00 buy in
Day 1 - August 8th - Post Before pic - Weigh In day (pic of scale please) Post your plan - your diet and/or work out plan for the month.
Every Monday weigh in for 4 weeks!
September 5th Post results - after photo with scale pic
September 6th Winner will be announced. Winner will be person who lost the most body fat percentage since we all are different weights.
Everyday post your food and 1 work out photo (after) This helps to keep us all accountable.
I hope all of us will post support for each other.
WE CAN DO THIS!
WE CAN DO THIS!
Join my fb Group Renew You: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1565887227049050/
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Do not be self-defeating
It truly is easy to fall into the land of negativity. It is so easy to just be lazy and choose not to eat healthy, and choose not to move and be active. If only there really was an "easy button". Let's be real though. easier is not always better. If being health was easy would it be worth it?
All I have is my own thoughts to compare to... when I was 130 and eating small amounts of calories... it was "easy" because I smoked to curb those cravings. I didn't exercise and I didn't appreciate the hard work it took to be to thin, because I was still very unhealhy mentally and emotionally. That was why it was so easy to fall back into the realm of the unhealthy. I had my vanity but couldn't appreciate it the way I should have. I remember looking at these photos... and verbally assualting myself because I did not love myself. I was still "FAT".
This was just in 2009... I was mentally un-equipped to love myself. It was so hard to see the beautiful woman standing there.
In 2010, I gave birth to another beautiful daughter..... my self image suffered. I had believed this woman below was disqusing.
All I have is my own thoughts to compare to... when I was 130 and eating small amounts of calories... it was "easy" because I smoked to curb those cravings. I didn't exercise and I didn't appreciate the hard work it took to be to thin, because I was still very unhealhy mentally and emotionally. That was why it was so easy to fall back into the realm of the unhealthy. I had my vanity but couldn't appreciate it the way I should have. I remember looking at these photos... and verbally assualting myself because I did not love myself. I was still "FAT".
This was just in 2009... I was mentally un-equipped to love myself. It was so hard to see the beautiful woman standing there.
In 2010, I gave birth to another beautiful daughter..... my self image suffered. I had believed this woman below was disqusing.
Today, I am larger than I've ever been. I am embarressed to even allow myself to be photographed.
We enjoyed a family vacation and I was mortified by the physical condition of my body. This has severly impacted my mind, heart, and physical conditios.
I want to LIVE and MOVE and LOVE. I don't know about you... but I need to learn I AM WORTH IT> It hurts don't get me wrong. I am tired, out of breath, and I struggle HARD. However, I have two beautiful "why's" that I want to see me LOVE ME so they can learn to Love themselves. That beautiful woman next to be above. That's my mother.... she too doesn't know how to love herself.
She is beautiful and cannot see it... she too is blinded by her self-hatred. Your children watch and study you and learn from YOU.
I may be big, but I am beautiful. I just need to remember it.
YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
ULTIMATE RESET RESULTS
So it is official. I have completed the Ultimate Reset which was a 21-day cleanse and detox. This was by no means easy and I mean seriously it took a lot of dedication and I'm so proud that I only fell off the bandwagon like once. I started at 216 pounds and I am down to 200 pounds. I just want to thank my amazing epic team who has been so supportive and getting me through this. I now know what I'm capable of and I now know that I am strong enough to beat this illness that is obesity and mental illness of overeating. I refuse to let my food control me anymore has no control over me. I am here to live a long and healthy life with my kids and my husband and I will forever strive for that the rest of my life. If you want help contact me I will be your coach I will be your friend and I won't charge you a dime.
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
NEVER admit defeat
What a journey this has been... I was doing all too well. Then I broke... last night I caved. I ate a delicious pastry, and half a brownie. It is so hard having a household not on the same eating plan. It took little time for my body to physically reject all of that sugar. I was up late sick to my stomach. You would've thought I ate a container of ice cream. Lesson learned!
It wasn't worth it... the guilt was ridiculous though. I mean I felt like I cheated on my spouse... silly I know. It was horrible... I felt as though I had failed everyone and myself. That is when I realized the kind of pressure I was putting on myself. No wonder I caved and nearly had a mental breakdown over it.
It is ok to make mistakes. I am human, I love food. Am I going to regain everything and let all my hard work go to waste! NO! I picked up right where I left off this morning. I was upset with myself, but I am working to learn to be more forgiving of myself. This is a repeated cycle that I really cannot afford to live with. I am ok, I am not going to die for eating some sweets and honestly it did not make me feel great so I don't desire to do it again.
Do not put yourself in this situation if you can avoid it. You are allowed to enjoy food. Just in the right times and portions. Do not use it to "feel good" which is what I attempted to do last night. It didn't work. I felt worse and then I got sick.
Tomorrow is the 3rd phase of the reset and I am ready to rock this party! Last day is July 5th! I can and I will complete this, and then I will move onto something new and incredible! Are you going to join me? Send me a message if your interested!
It wasn't worth it... the guilt was ridiculous though. I mean I felt like I cheated on my spouse... silly I know. It was horrible... I felt as though I had failed everyone and myself. That is when I realized the kind of pressure I was putting on myself. No wonder I caved and nearly had a mental breakdown over it.
It is ok to make mistakes. I am human, I love food. Am I going to regain everything and let all my hard work go to waste! NO! I picked up right where I left off this morning. I was upset with myself, but I am working to learn to be more forgiving of myself. This is a repeated cycle that I really cannot afford to live with. I am ok, I am not going to die for eating some sweets and honestly it did not make me feel great so I don't desire to do it again.
Do not put yourself in this situation if you can avoid it. You are allowed to enjoy food. Just in the right times and portions. Do not use it to "feel good" which is what I attempted to do last night. It didn't work. I felt worse and then I got sick.
Tomorrow is the 3rd phase of the reset and I am ready to rock this party! Last day is July 5th! I can and I will complete this, and then I will move onto something new and incredible! Are you going to join me? Send me a message if your interested!
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Confidence
Yesterday was a bit rough for me. I was feeling insecure, tired, and stressed out about all these changes. Today I woke up a bit more refreshed and motivated. I can do this! I am making some amazing changes and my body is certainly noticing. I am beginning the detox process, and beginning to feel lighter. Not just my weight, but my movements. I can move a bit more comfortably with less pain. It is amazing what kind of things help you feel better. Honestly, I don't miss meat either! I love me some steak or bbq chicken, but right now that doesn't even sound appealing. I think that is partially due to the heat too! It is so much easier to focus on salads and light foods when it is so hot!
I've been thinking about my old habits and way of eating. Convenient that is what it was. It was convenient to eat what was around me. It was so much easier to pick up something on the go then to prepare a meal! I also realized how much I over snack! I do not need a snack every hour! I was literally eating out of boredom! I can accomplish great things without food in my mouth! haha!
I also am reflecting back to when I used to go eat out of habit. I wanted a break eat, or drink something like coffee. I don't need 3-4 cups of coffee a day. Do I enjoy them? Yes! However, there comes a point when habits are just that. HABITS. Something we need to break away from sometimes. We don't NEED them, we want them. We rely on them for just a moment of comfort. Don't get me wrong... it isn't bad to indulge from time to time. However, we move past the point of once in a while to a regular habitual basis. That is where the addication comes in. It consimes our thoughts. It overwhelms our emotions. Before we know it.... we HAVE TO HAVE IT! Then the Binge eating comes in and you just cannot get enough.
That is the problem for me. This is why the Reset is so amazing for me. I am forcing myself to refocus on what I am eating and why I am eating it. I need to eat based on how it makes my body feel not my emotions. My body enjoys the good healthy food. Honestly, the lack of meat it really beginning to become appealing to me. Who knows.... maybe I will be primarily vegetarian. I'm not rushing into anything, but I am not running back for a giant steak.
Thanks for reading my inner contemplations. Hopefully, you can relate.
I've been thinking about my old habits and way of eating. Convenient that is what it was. It was convenient to eat what was around me. It was so much easier to pick up something on the go then to prepare a meal! I also realized how much I over snack! I do not need a snack every hour! I was literally eating out of boredom! I can accomplish great things without food in my mouth! haha!
I also am reflecting back to when I used to go eat out of habit. I wanted a break eat, or drink something like coffee. I don't need 3-4 cups of coffee a day. Do I enjoy them? Yes! However, there comes a point when habits are just that. HABITS. Something we need to break away from sometimes. We don't NEED them, we want them. We rely on them for just a moment of comfort. Don't get me wrong... it isn't bad to indulge from time to time. However, we move past the point of once in a while to a regular habitual basis. That is where the addication comes in. It consimes our thoughts. It overwhelms our emotions. Before we know it.... we HAVE TO HAVE IT! Then the Binge eating comes in and you just cannot get enough.
That is the problem for me. This is why the Reset is so amazing for me. I am forcing myself to refocus on what I am eating and why I am eating it. I need to eat based on how it makes my body feel not my emotions. My body enjoys the good healthy food. Honestly, the lack of meat it really beginning to become appealing to me. Who knows.... maybe I will be primarily vegetarian. I'm not rushing into anything, but I am not running back for a giant steak.
Thanks for reading my inner contemplations. Hopefully, you can relate.
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