Thursday, July 21, 2016

Do not be self-defeating

It truly is easy to fall into the land of negativity. It is so easy to just be lazy and choose not to eat healthy, and choose not to move and be active.  If only there really was an "easy button".  Let's be real though.  easier is not always better.  If being health was easy would it be worth it?
All I have is my own thoughts to compare to... when I was 130 and eating small amounts of calories... it was "easy" because I smoked to curb those cravings.  I didn't exercise and I didn't appreciate the hard work it took to be to thin, because I was still very unhealhy mentally and emotionally.  That was why it was so easy to fall back into the realm of the unhealthy.  I had my vanity but couldn't appreciate it the way I should have.  I remember looking at these photos... and verbally assualting myself because I did not love myself.  I was still "FAT".

This was just in 2009... I was mentally un-equipped to love myself.  It was so hard to see the beautiful woman standing there.

In 2010, I gave birth to another beautiful daughter..... my self image suffered.  I had believed this woman below was disqusing.

Today, I am larger than I've ever been.  I am embarressed to even allow myself to be photographed.
We enjoyed a family vacation and I was mortified by the physical condition of my body.  This has severly impacted my mind, heart, and physical conditios.
I want to LIVE and MOVE and LOVE.  I don't know about you... but I need to learn I AM WORTH IT>  It hurts don't get me wrong. I am tired, out of breath, and I struggle HARD.  However,  I have two beautiful "why's" that I want to see me LOVE ME so they can learn to Love themselves.  That beautiful woman next to be above.  That's my mother.... she too doesn't know how to love herself.
She is beautiful and cannot see it... she too is blinded by her self-hatred.  Your children watch and study you and learn from YOU.

I may be big, but I am beautiful.  I just need to remember it.


Wednesday, July 6, 2016


So it is official. I have completed the Ultimate Reset which was a 21-day cleanse and detox. This was by no means easy and I mean seriously it took a lot of dedication and I'm so proud that I only fell off the bandwagon like once. I started at 216 pounds and I am down to 200 pounds. I just want to thank my amazing epic team who has been so supportive and getting me through this. I now know what I'm capable of and I now know that I am strong enough to beat this illness that is obesity and mental illness of overeating. I refuse to let my food control me anymore has no control over me. I am here to live a long and healthy life with my kids and my husband and I will forever strive for that the rest of my life. If you want help contact me I will be your coach I will be your friend and I won't charge you a dime.